As I look back at my Journal History on a whim, I realized just how sparse my entries are in general.
I guess it was because I felt that journals were meant for long stuff, and I didn't felt like I had that much, or meaningful enough, to say? (Ironic, considering how much I complain/blabber on twitter)
Honestly, it feels like I could go through the rest of this year without posting another personal journal.
So what is really making me type this journal entry at all? I... guess I do have something to say this time. Probably because I've been staring at the wall for a while; it's as though I don't feel compelled to do anything until I get this typed out.
In the past two months, I (finally) completed "EA-LEC: Psyche"
and even its aftermath
. It may not seem much, but it felt like a milestone for me; the bare ideas and plans of it were established a long time ago. In fact, it was established at.... dear gawd, was it that long? Year 2011?! Maybe even older than that?!
Yes, life happened between 2011 - 2015. But dear gawd, 4 years plus
... I couldn't find any real valid reason to Psyche's delay except for gross procrastination on my part. What really bummed me out so much about not finishing this straight-forward comic earlier, was that I 'delayed' or 'halted' the progress of the Afterlife Rift plot.
Now here comes the golden question. "But Diana, what made you finally get your butt in gear to finish something SO way overdue?"
To cut a long story short; it was the frightening realization that we don't really have that much time like we think we do.
And this brings me to the main point of this journal, trying to get back to my supposed one-big-comic thing called 'Heroes Never Die' (HND). The webcomic I pulled the plug out on, because I lost motivation on it, didn't feel encouraged with the way the story went, to the point that drawing pages for it felt like a terrible chore.
Since I killed it back at year 2007, I thought that the reason it went poorly was because;
(a) I started it for the sake of starting
(b) That I did it simply because I liked the idea of having a comic, and most of all,
(c) That I never had a real story with it. No actual planning, just breezing along with whatever the heck comes to my mind.
Now? I realized that once again, I had the wrong idea about those frickin' reasons in the first place!
Reason (a) I started it for the sake of starting ===>
This was my most used excuse when I talk/think about HND, like it was a bad thing. Maybe I might be wrong again, but for now; I don't.... think this is a bad thing! I mean, why the heck do we even start comics/art? Because we actually DO want to start one! Starting something for the sake of starting is a foundation
(b) That I did it simply because I liked the idea of having a comic ===>
Again, what the flippin' jack? How can I say that the comic did poorly because of this?! We start comics/stories/arts because we DO like the idea of having done it, for crying out!
Now the next point, this one requires a frickin' expansion pack!;
(c) That I never had a real story with it. No actual planning, just drawing whatever comes to my mind. ===>
I thought that to have The Story, you'd have to have at least get the bare bones of it down in writing. I mean, that's how successful writers/comic artists get it done, right? I did try to get it down in writing, or least, in bullet-point form. And I failed. All it did was ping-pong me back to the lack of motivation. When I thought I got some bare bones of it down in bullet-point form, I look at it and my brain just shuts down, not interested. I mean, if it didn't make me interested, that means I didn't really have a story, which again means that I do not have a good reason enough to start a comic again.
Now this.... now this one, I dare say this reason was absurd.
I was projecting what worked for other people
. That if this method of writing-it-down, or this particular method that worked for these other successful folks
did not work for me
, that means I never had a story to begin with. That if I didn't have an interesting story/general overall idea churning in my head, or at least written down, there was no story to begin with.
And so, I was stuck in this vicious circle;
Successful, seemingly basic story-writing method didn't work ---> Not a good story ---> Not good enough to start ---> Procrastinate ---> No motivation ---> Try again? ---> Rinse and repeat
But then I realized; of course there's no story - I haven't tried a different method. Writing it down didn't work for me, so maybe I should just try to draw it out in drafts and see what comes out somehow. It sounds like a crazy method, but when I look back, I don't really recall a time where I got stumped at what to draw next in those drafts somehow.
Maybe I never was meant to 'have all the story' in the head, or even the general idea of it. Maybe I SHOULD be breezing along with whatever comes to my mind, one chapter at a time, and go back, edit the heck out of it, rinse and repeat.
There was also the very real and disturbing aspect of procrastination. I am very good
in the art of procrastination. It just needs to revolve down to "Someday this will get done".
But then, I saw this comic that gave me a wake-up call: zenpencils.com/comic/142-timot…"Someday" is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you - Timothy Ferriss.
Chilling. But it made so much sense that I realize I need to step up my urgency at getting things done. If I want to get this supposed big comic done in my living
years, I have to start... now.
And so, I decide to dedicate October to, once again, plan on HND's... first chapter.
I don't mean that I'll actually finish the 1st chapter, like all drawn up and stuff. Just breeze through whatever's in the head, plan, draw out in draft somehow and edit. I've never truly dedicated a month like this for its planning, so maybe, just maybe - I might get something
concrete for the first chapter.
So how does this relate to that EA-LEC's Psyche entry at the start? I told myself that after I get it done, I would no longer be holding back the Afterlife Rift plot in the league, and then I can start with HND and give it the focus that it needs.
I'm a little concerned about this, honestly. I might fail with the story planning again. But to hell with it, I'm going to try it anyway.
It's either this or it's permanent closed curtains on this comic.
.... Wow. I rambled so much. Sorry readers, for having to tolerate that wall of text. Here, have a digital cookie.
This journal post probably needs a boatload of editing, but... I'm seeing stars now, and I'm just done for the night.
Thanks for reading and making it this far.